Get with the "program" (catchy title)/ I cannot believe I am still talking about weight (honest title)

When I was in high school I was considered a "big girl." I was certainly never obese, I wasn't even that "round and puffy" type of overweight. I was solid from several years of dance, and don't remember anything resembling a muffin top resting atop my 501s, or rolls of spongy skin protruding from my raised collared, button-down pastel tinted blouses.

Still, I was one of three or four bigger-ish girls in dance company (my instructor often threatened to make me--and my less-than-anorexic sidekicks--step on the scales in front of the entire company if we did not lose weight by concert time) (I usually managed to drop about seven lbs per concert by starving myself of everything other than apples and frosted mini-wheats...) Despite a few confidence crushing comments and wince worthy moments of exclusion within the circled halls of my high school, I managed to graduate a sunny, surprisingly secure eighteen year old (wonderful friends, good grades and a challenging position on the newspaper staff were more than sufficient to offset the less than memorable events of my adolescent years...)

So, why this little trip down a lane full of "weighty" memories?

Well, I, like the fabulous Oprah Winfrey herself, "cannot believe I am still talking about weight!"

This has been an issue for me off and on my entire life. From times during college when daily doughnuts enjoyed at the union building led to a ten pound gain within just a few short months, to my first experience with Weight Watchers where I had great success and the first loss in my life. After pregnancies I was miraculously able to lose baby weight as well as an additional few pounds...three months after Roo was born I weighed less than I did in high school.

Age...kids...stress...who knows the reason...but, I have since become the queen of fluctuation. Personal trainers, Weight Watchers (again), Dexatrim, Isagenix--you name it--I've tried it. I even facilitated the formation of a "weight loss group" with three of my friends. Each week we met together for a weigh-in. We hopped up on that scale for all to see. You'd think the pressure/humiliation of displaying something so personal as pounds and ounces would be a substantial motivator...but, alas, we only justified non-compliance, and supported each other through a complete and total lack of weight loss success!

Why, after all these years, have I recently embarked upon yet another plan to lose weight? (because I will never give up on that trim, healthy me that is just dying to break out of this extra twenty pound shell!) and why am I sharing this with every single soul that I know? (because I am the absolute polar opposite of private...)

As January opened its doors to a new year of hope and resolution, I committed to a life altering lifestyle change that requires willpower, strength and resolve.

Whole wheat...everything, sugarfree...everything. Chicken, tuna, broccoli and spinach replace cereal and pancakes for dinner, but can be alternated with yummy dishes from Rumbi and Subway. It is definitely smart, and it can be done--it will be done!

I am ready for this "program." Don't even think about calling it a diet--it's so much more than cutting calories. I have the advantage of accountability and direction from my trainer/nutritionist/psychological counselor aka my "guy" Wes. He's keeping me focused and changing my life.

I hope to shrink my body, but even more than that I wish to transform my mind. Those thoughts bred from a near lifetime of self image insecurities are about to give way to a successful more confident (and hopefully thinner in the process) me!