I am just now feeling safe enough to emerge from my (symbolic) camouflaged place of hiding where I kept both home phone and/or cell phone within finger length distance, and one eye constantly on the clock counting down each hour that passed without a pleading call.
Mornings remain difficult as shots continue to fire in the form of "Can't I stay home, just this once?" Or the ever deadly "I have NO IDEA what to wear," usually accompanied by "these shoes DO NOT fit!"
They say once you've seen war nothing will ever look the same to you again...
I say once you've sent your youngest (extremely anxious) child off to school for a full day, your second youngest (not quite as anxious, but very self conscious and unsure)child to a new school for fifth grade, and your oldest (extremely anxious, self conscious and unsure) child to high school...you had better be grateful you are not looking at life through the tiny, barred window of a psychiatric hospital...
The COMBATANTS...
Luke. Don't let the adorable grin and dapper duds fool you. Tears the size of gumdrops have managed to rip my heart into a million pieces each and every morning since the beginning of last week. After school has been a different story, however, as tales of new friends and a super nice teacher have begun to heal some of the battle wounds (aka stress, anxiety, tummy aches, etc.) --for us both!
Jaycee. Looking lovely as ever in a uniform that has lessened the differences in size and allowed new friends to focus on her ever engaging personality, not to mention her killer earrings and shoes by Fergie!
Roo. She's a teenager. Need I say more? Hair must be perfect , clothes stylish yet original...otherwise...I become target practice for looks that could seriously kill!
Lexi. Oh my. As a Sophomore she has joined me in battle as well as turned on me without any warning at all. Emotions and fears have marked the beginning of a whole new chapter in her life...and mine. Will she make friends...? "I don't know anybody, and nobody knows me!" Will she get involved...? "No way am I running for office/joining a club/introducing myself to people I don't know!" Will I ever see her...? "Tennis practice, football game, party at Emily's, sleepover at Whitney's!" The pressures have been relentless, but we are gaining strength and...actually...having fun!
As for me, I have resolved to lick my wounds by way of spontaneous pedicures and lunches with friends and enjoy the peace born of battles that delivered me to this phase of life wherein freedom and time to myself are welcomed, and well deserved...if I do say so myself!
