When I was in high school I was considered a "big girl." I was certainly never obese, I wasn't even that "round and puffy" type of overweight. I was solid from several years of dance, and don't remember anything resembling a muffin top resting atop my 501s, or rolls of spongy skin protruding from my raised collared, button-down pastel tinted blouses.
Still, I was one of three or four bigger-ish girls in dance company (my instructor often threatened to make me--and my less-than-anorexic sidekicks--step on the scales in front of the entire company if we did not lose weight by concert time) (I usually managed to drop about seven lbs per concert by starving myself of everything other than apples and frosted mini-wheats...) Despite a few confidence crushing comments and wince worthy moments of exclusion within the circled halls of my high school, I managed to graduate a sunny, surprisingly secure eighteen year old (wonderful friends, good grades and a challenging position on the newspaper staff were more than sufficient to offset the less than memorable events of my adolescent years...)
So, why this little trip down a lane full of "weighty" memories?
Well, I, like the fabulous Oprah Winfrey herself, "cannot believe I am still talking about weight!"
This has been an issue for me off and on my entire life. From times during college when daily doughnuts enjoyed at the union building led to a ten pound gain within just a few short months, to my first experience with Weight Watchers where I had great success and the first loss in my life. After pregnancies I was miraculously able to lose baby weight as well as an additional few pounds...three months after Roo was born I weighed less than I did in high school.
Age...kids...stress...who knows the reason...but, I have since become the queen of fluctuation. Personal trainers, Weight Watchers (again), Dexatrim, Isagenix--you name it--I've tried it. I even facilitated the formation of a "weight loss group" with three of my friends. Each week we met together for a weigh-in. We hopped up on that scale for all to see. You'd think the pressure/humiliation of displaying something so personal as pounds and ounces would be a substantial motivator...but, alas, we only justified non-compliance, and supported each other through a complete and total lack of weight loss success!
Why, after all these years, have I recently embarked upon yet another plan to lose weight? (because I will never give up on that trim, healthy me that is just dying to break out of this extra twenty pound shell!) and why am I sharing this with every single soul that I know? (because I am the absolute polar opposite of private...)
As January opened its doors to a new year of hope and resolution, I committed to a life altering lifestyle change that requires willpower, strength and resolve.
Whole wheat...everything, sugarfree...everything. Chicken, tuna, broccoli and spinach replace cereal and pancakes for dinner, but can be alternated with yummy dishes from Rumbi and Subway. It is definitely smart, and it can be done--it will be done!
I am ready for this "program." Don't even think about calling it a diet--it's so much more than cutting calories. I have the advantage of accountability and direction from my trainer/nutritionist/psychological counselor aka my "guy" Wes. He's keeping me focused and changing my life.
I hope to shrink my body, but even more than that I wish to transform my mind. Those thoughts bred from a near lifetime of self image insecurities are about to give way to a successful more confident (and hopefully thinner in the process) me!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
As simple as that
As '09 begins to secure that somewhat familiar, broken-in feel I think I've got a handle on some of the things in store for us this year.
I will never have to pay money for a yoga class...
simply because I find myself (frequently) closing my eyes and taking deep cleansing breaths in response to a rapidly maturing teenager who literally lives for friends, boys, name brand clothing, music and high school (she's still in jr. high). Anything outside the realm of these five categories is typically ignored with an eye roll and an exasperated "tuh!" (rhymes with duh)
Fortunately, my girl is a talker, (and she loves to borrow my shoes), so she confides in me the ups and downs of living life on the cusp of her great high school debut complete with boy joys and heartaches, demanding teachers and compulsions to fit in and yet be able to stand alone. For this confidence I am grateful, as well as for the iron-clad will and unwavering standards she displays for all who know or come in contact with her.
(I pray every day this will not change.)
I will never understand the mind of my second born child...
simply because one minute she is riding the unicycle (she requested and received for Christmas) around the family room, teetering precariously, arms outstretched and flailing in a vain attempt to control her balance atop the one wheeled cycle, and the next she is locked in her bathroom applying mascara, curling hair, painting nails, exiting only to inquire "I am ever going to get contacts?" Then she's off with friends to the movies to see a show and meet a boy...what is up with that?
Fortunately, my girl is an incredibly kind, mild tempered soul, and as she diffuses troublesome tirades and squabbles amongst her friends, I am grateful that she is a peacemaker.
The rest of us know that life revolves around the two mentioned above...
simply because...they are enjoying life, making the most of new-found freedom and expanding boundaries as they develop a sense of who they are and what direction they are heading. Of course they don't realize all that is going on in their adolescent lives. They are focused not on the importance of wise, imperative decisions, but on what to wear, where to go and who will be there.
2009 will be a great year...
simply because I've learned to take cleansing breaths and have given up on the notion of consistency in my household.
This year I resolve to have fun with my girls, treasure the positives and not brood over the negatives. We will enjoy this time of life, it's just too much fun not to!
I will never have to pay money for a yoga class...
simply because I find myself (frequently) closing my eyes and taking deep cleansing breaths in response to a rapidly maturing teenager who literally lives for friends, boys, name brand clothing, music and high school (she's still in jr. high). Anything outside the realm of these five categories is typically ignored with an eye roll and an exasperated "tuh!" (rhymes with duh)
Fortunately, my girl is a talker, (and she loves to borrow my shoes), so she confides in me the ups and downs of living life on the cusp of her great high school debut complete with boy joys and heartaches, demanding teachers and compulsions to fit in and yet be able to stand alone. For this confidence I am grateful, as well as for the iron-clad will and unwavering standards she displays for all who know or come in contact with her.
(I pray every day this will not change.)
I will never understand the mind of my second born child...
simply because one minute she is riding the unicycle (she requested and received for Christmas) around the family room, teetering precariously, arms outstretched and flailing in a vain attempt to control her balance atop the one wheeled cycle, and the next she is locked in her bathroom applying mascara, curling hair, painting nails, exiting only to inquire "I am ever going to get contacts?" Then she's off with friends to the movies to see a show and meet a boy...what is up with that?
Fortunately, my girl is an incredibly kind, mild tempered soul, and as she diffuses troublesome tirades and squabbles amongst her friends, I am grateful that she is a peacemaker.
The rest of us know that life revolves around the two mentioned above...
simply because...they are enjoying life, making the most of new-found freedom and expanding boundaries as they develop a sense of who they are and what direction they are heading. Of course they don't realize all that is going on in their adolescent lives. They are focused not on the importance of wise, imperative decisions, but on what to wear, where to go and who will be there.
2009 will be a great year...
simply because I've learned to take cleansing breaths and have given up on the notion of consistency in my household.
This year I resolve to have fun with my girls, treasure the positives and not brood over the negatives. We will enjoy this time of life, it's just too much fun not to!
Monday, January 12, 2009
A boy and his game, a mom and hers
Every morning--since Christmas, Luke rolls out of bed, eyes heavy with dream-laden sleep, drags himself to the family room and begins connecting cords and cables with a sudden vigilance and intensity that appears out of nowhere and guides him through the Wii setup that will project onto the television screen and propel him into his virtual paradise, a world of battling creatures in a brawl fought for victory and domination.
Jumping from side to side as paddles swipe at nothing but connect with various nefarious beings within a dark abandoned castle or on a violently careening ship, Luke plays until finally coaxed to his now soggy bowl of Life cereal and tepid glass of chocolate milk.
School clothes are adorned only after promises are made for another game including mom as player #2 in the form of a rather well-endowed and unyielding princess named Peach.
"Push A, Mom, no--now push B! Use your super-powers, Mom! YESSSS! I won! Again!"
(never did locate the fierce Miss Peach on the TV screen...a little too much action for me...
After-school snacks are a thing of the past as backpack and coat are tossed with one hand while the other grabs the remote before Wizards of Waverly Place consumes the coveted television screen.
Playtime is suspended for homework and dinner, then resumes for one final face-off before that pesky bedtime creeps in and once again dissolves a satisfying late night of fantastical fighting and mythical sparring.
Yes, he is definitely OBSESSED.
No, I haven't the faintest idea where that peculiar personality trait came from...
By the way...
The eighth season begins in just twenty-two more hours!!!!
But, who's counting?
Who's obsessed?
Whatever...
(I cannot wait!)
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Happy New Year and a little something sweet!
Time passes...hours turn to days, which become weeks, that fold into months and so quickly transcend into yet another remarkable year... Happy 2009!
Our New Year began with a bang...or a slam to be more precise...actually a slam and a blood-curdling scream...the slam of a bedroom door (right at the strike of midnight) on Jaycee's right hand pinching her pinkie finger between the door frame and swinging portal (hence the scream...). The soft tissue was crushed, but fortunately, the bone was spared, and though swollen to twice its size and colored various shades of blue and purple, an ice pack and buddy taping (not to mention several engrossed, condoling friends) dried up cascading tears within an admirably short period of time. In true momma bear fashion I was ready to lop off the head of the little tyrant who so carelessly shut the door on Jaycee's misplaced fingers. But, in true Jaycee fashion, my daughter was quick to relieve the perpetrator of any sort of blame or malice.
"It was just an accident, mom, he didn't do it on purpose."
Followed by:
"I shouldn't have put my hand near the door in the first place."
That's my girl. So sweet...and forgiving...she is the most charitable person I know.
Jaycee is nine; my third girl, my most sensitive, complicated, insistent, and taxing of my children. She also treasures me more than any other person on the planet. She writes me love notes and draws pictures for me to display. Most contain images of the two of us, doing things together, surrounded by hearts, swirls and rainbows. Jaycee is affectionate and tender, generous and thoughtful. She has an innate sense of goodness that she embraces and shares with others. She is very spiritual, and has been blessed with a fervent testimony and an unyielding desire to choose the right.
Jaycee struggles a bit with issues beyond her understanding or control. Situations and pressures that would cause many adults to throw their hands up in frustration, are daily occurrences for Jaycee, and are often accompanied by the scrutiny and criticism of others. With maturity far beyond her nine little years, Jaycee manages to maintain a true love for all, thrives on peacemaking and is an ardent champion of the underdog.
Even when pitching a fit over bothersome sibling antics( she can tantrum like no other...), or pouting about a friend's new coveted acquisition (usually a darling new outfit for her doll...) Jaycee is able to somehow maintain her charming nature and snap from hysterics to delight in mere seconds.
Lexi summed it up perfectly not long ago when she looked at her little sister (who happened to be explaining the importance of keeping the Sabbath Day holy) and said "Jaycee is just so........good..."
I couldn't agree more.
Our New Year began with a bang...or a slam to be more precise...actually a slam and a blood-curdling scream...the slam of a bedroom door (right at the strike of midnight) on Jaycee's right hand pinching her pinkie finger between the door frame and swinging portal (hence the scream...). The soft tissue was crushed, but fortunately, the bone was spared, and though swollen to twice its size and colored various shades of blue and purple, an ice pack and buddy taping (not to mention several engrossed, condoling friends) dried up cascading tears within an admirably short period of time. In true momma bear fashion I was ready to lop off the head of the little tyrant who so carelessly shut the door on Jaycee's misplaced fingers. But, in true Jaycee fashion, my daughter was quick to relieve the perpetrator of any sort of blame or malice.
"It was just an accident, mom, he didn't do it on purpose."
Followed by:
"I shouldn't have put my hand near the door in the first place."
That's my girl. So sweet...and forgiving...she is the most charitable person I know.
Jaycee is nine; my third girl, my most sensitive, complicated, insistent, and taxing of my children. She also treasures me more than any other person on the planet. She writes me love notes and draws pictures for me to display. Most contain images of the two of us, doing things together, surrounded by hearts, swirls and rainbows. Jaycee is affectionate and tender, generous and thoughtful. She has an innate sense of goodness that she embraces and shares with others. She is very spiritual, and has been blessed with a fervent testimony and an unyielding desire to choose the right.
Jaycee struggles a bit with issues beyond her understanding or control. Situations and pressures that would cause many adults to throw their hands up in frustration, are daily occurrences for Jaycee, and are often accompanied by the scrutiny and criticism of others. With maturity far beyond her nine little years, Jaycee manages to maintain a true love for all, thrives on peacemaking and is an ardent champion of the underdog.
Even when pitching a fit over bothersome sibling antics( she can tantrum like no other...), or pouting about a friend's new coveted acquisition (usually a darling new outfit for her doll...) Jaycee is able to somehow maintain her charming nature and snap from hysterics to delight in mere seconds.
Lexi summed it up perfectly not long ago when she looked at her little sister (who happened to be explaining the importance of keeping the Sabbath Day holy) and said "Jaycee is just so........good..."
I couldn't agree more.
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