War and Peace (ful days)

I feel as though I entered a combat zone last week.

I am just now feeling safe enough to emerge from my (symbolic) camouflaged place of hiding where I kept both home phone and/or cell phone within finger length distance, and one eye constantly on the clock counting down each hour that passed without a pleading call.

Mornings remain difficult as shots continue to fire in the form of "Can't I stay home, just this once?" Or the ever deadly "I have NO IDEA what to wear," usually accompanied by "these shoes DO NOT fit!"

They say once you've seen war nothing will ever look the same to you again...

I say once you've sent your youngest (extremely anxious) child off to school for a full day, your second youngest (not quite as anxious, but very self conscious and unsure)child to a new school for fifth grade, and your oldest (extremely anxious, self conscious and unsure) child to high school...you had better be grateful you are not looking at life through the tiny, barred window of a psychiatric hospital...



The COMBATANTS...



Luke. Don't let the adorable grin and dapper duds fool you. Tears the size of gumdrops have managed to rip my heart into a million pieces each and every morning since the beginning of last week. After school has been a different story, however, as tales of new friends and a super nice teacher have begun to heal some of the battle wounds (aka stress, anxiety, tummy aches, etc.) --for us both!



Jaycee. Looking lovely as ever in a uniform that has lessened the differences in size and allowed new friends to focus on her ever engaging personality, not to mention her killer earrings and shoes by Fergie!



Roo. She's a teenager. Need I say more? Hair must be perfect , clothes stylish yet original...otherwise...I become target practice for looks that could seriously kill!



Lexi. Oh my. As a Sophomore she has joined me in battle as well as turned on me without any warning at all. Emotions and fears have marked the beginning of a whole new chapter in her life...and mine. Will she make friends...? "I don't know anybody, and nobody knows me!" Will she get involved...? "No way am I running for office/joining a club/introducing myself to people I don't know!" Will I ever see her...? "Tennis practice, football game, party at Emily's, sleepover at Whitney's!" The pressures have been relentless, but we are gaining strength and...actually...having fun!

As for me, I have resolved to lick my wounds by way of spontaneous pedicures and lunches with friends and enjoy the peace born of battles that delivered me to this phase of life wherein freedom and time to myself are welcomed, and well deserved...if I do say so myself!

Idolness equals happiness

Every year there is one day. One glorious, happy day in which my obsession and love for the phenomenon that is American Idol is accepted, celebrated, matched and even dwarfed by the mania of others.

American Idol Live Tour.

This year it fell on a beautiful, balmy Tuesday. I packed a cooler full of drinks and bags with snacks and my girls and I set off for the E-Center to wait for the arrival of the idols. After about two hours they drove in on buses. We could see them through tiny windows waving at the fifty or so women and children gathered and screaming their names. Any sign of Adam? Not yet, but I am hoping and praying for a glimpse of my gothic glam rock icon.

Waiting so patiently for someone, anyone to emerge...



Finally, after another hour or so of killing time and making friends with the ladies beside us adorning Adam inspired t-shirts and blue streaks in their hair (seriously, there are many who are FAR more fanatical than I), out strolled Michael Sarver and Matt Giraud!




Both were extemely gracious, charming and cute, cute, cute! They posed for numerous photos, even threw in some hugs and high fives.

Danny Gokey was next and his sighting was signaled by ear piercing shieks and declarations of love and affection.




He is one hot preacher man in person! Super kind, very genuine as well.

The crowd was treated to one more pre-show idol...Scott Macintyre who was every bit as sweet and witty as he was on the idol stage!



Alas, no Adam. I'll just have to wait til tonight...

...and what a night it was!!!



I reminded over and over and over again why I love American Idol more than anything else on the planet!

The talent, the stage presence, the music, the variety, the energy...







and Adam... beautiful, fantastically creative, mesmerizing Adam!

He rocked the stage, stole the show and killed every song, from Led Zeplin to David Bowie.





Dressed head to toe in black leather, silver chains dangling from his neck, hair spiked in a perfectly rockesque fashion he danced and screamed, as we danced and screamed even louder. He was sexy and raw, uninhibited and captivating!

Yes. I know he's gay.

I'm married.

So what.

I'd still take him home.

Who wouldn't?

After the un-be-liev-able show we hastily made our way to the back of the venue and scooted and shoved our way to the front of the crowd (one must not be courteous in any way when it comes to getting up close and personal with the idols...).




The entire group made an appearance one by one, signing autographs, and posing for pictures. Adam was surrounded by security, so I was not able to grab a hold of him like I had planned...but I will forever cherish the memory of our short, but touching conversation...

me: (shrill, shrieking, crazed, manic sounding) "I LOVE YOU ADAM!!!"

Adam: (subdued, soft response with just the tiniest hint of a lysp) "thanks, I love you too..." (accompanied by a sweet little multi-fingered wave).





Truly...the happiest place on earth, and the most wonderful day of the year!

Oh summertime, I am lovin' you...

...and your long, lazy days filled with a whole lot of nothin' 'cept foolin' and playin' and loungin'...

At Scofield just sittin' round the fire, cookin' smores and sharin' tales.








Lightin' fireworks to celebrate the independence of our great nation.




Paradin' as the Bunnell Beach Bums, snaggin' best family entry.




Swimmin', golfin', and goofin' for a week in (sweltering) St. George.











Culturin' with live theater at Tuacahn. Foot tappin' to Footloose!



(that is Thayne from so you think you can dance...last season...LOVE HIM!)

Oh summertime, I am lovin' you and your days filled with grillin' and
messin' with family, playin' with friends, cartin' sunglasses and sunscreen, sleepin' outside and campin' in the family room.

Let's just keep on goin'...neverendin' summer...sounds just about perfect to me...

Then, now

THEN




July, 1990. Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Newlyweds, madly in love. Juggling school, work...that's about it. Forking out a whopping $210 per month rent for our quaint, spotlessly clean, two-bedroom townhouse. Perched on the cusp of adulthood, ready to jump in and conquer an enticing world of career, parenthood and responsibility...

(all while sporting a lovely triangular hairdo and rocking a pale denim, pegged-pant and coordinating jacket ensemble with double shoulder pads. My handsome groom smashing a pair of (kinda high-waisted) Girbaud jeans...and...hair!)

NOW



June, 2009. Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Wed for nearly nineteen years, madly in love. Juggling work, kids, carpools, activities, kids, finances, home projects, and kids...that's about it. Forking out a whopping $210 times, um, a lot, for our (not so spotless due to four kids and a burned out mom) home, in addition to lots of funds doled out to keep to keep the little ones clothed, entertained and "well-rounded." Perched on the cusp of insanity due to that little plunge we took a couple of decades ago...

If we could, would we revisit those carefree, simple days?

Visit perhaps, but not stay. (did I mention double shoulder pads?)

Though our lives are no longer just our own, but shared (and not always evenly) with those whom we have bred, and demands for time, attention and money are enough to send us into a mind numbing craze from time to time...

We will stay put. Learn from our mistakes (including unflattering hairstyles) and celebrate our successes (mostly happy, semi-normal kids) (oh, and mid to low rise jeans).

My boy...

my one and only boy, loves legos, baseball, motorcycles, animals, showing his muscles, and shocking his sisters with a variety of colorful potty words.

Kindergarten is all wrapped up complete with teacher attachment (me, even more than him), darling new friends, out-grown uniforms, and above grade level success in practically every subject. As we reach this milestone, this culmination and completion of those precious "younger years," I reflect on my boy, and his strengths and struggles, his abilities and insecurities, as well as on me, and my strengths and struggles, my abilities and insecurities when it comes to this little man that I love so very much.

I wonder...how do I cope with the idea of putting him in the care of another person in just a few short months, one that neither of us knows, for almost seven hours each day? I know I relinquished my girls to the same fate, and they, as well as I survived without much impairment at all.

But this is my boy. My one and only boy...

My boy is a smarty-pants as well as kind, sensitive, and funny.

(My boy has such anxiety he panics when he doesn't know exactly where I am (even within the house).)

My boy terrorizes his sisters until they scream and threaten to kill him. His response? Turn up the heat and laugh hysterically while running at full speed as far away from them as possible.

(My boy has such anxiety he calls me every fifteen minutes when I'm out on a quick dinner date with his daddy.)

My boy loves to buy new toys. Money will literally burn a hole in his pocket if not spent on something that can accompany sound effects made by puffing out his cheeks and making a "blowing up" (as in dynamite as opposed to a balloon) sound as soon as said money is acquired.

(My boy has such anxiety he begins anticipating the dreaded nighttime ritual by noon, at least. ("why do we have to have night?"))

My boy worships his dad and tries to imitate and emulate his mannerisms, hobbies and looks. (he's growing out his hair to make up for a future of baldness!)

(My boy has such anxiety he often refuses to play at a friend's house for fear that I may leave and not be at home if and when he returns.)

My boy is a gentleman. He will open the door for me, watch out for me, comfort me when I am sad, hug me at exactly the right times, and stick up for me when his sisters' are getting feisty.

My boy is wonderful but fearful, sweet but concerned.

How do I pave a way for him to grow and mature into a confident and hopeful young man while protecting him from the things that frighten and trouble him every day?

My boy..my one and only boy loves superheroes and star wars, his momma, spongebob and american idol (he is my son after all). He is afraid of the dark, spiders, bees, and being left alone.

I love his long locks, the amber freckles sprinkled across his nose and cheeks, his laughing eyes, outrageous vocabulary, and propensity for winning at most games we play. I am afraid that he will be afraid while he's away from me.

But I can't hold onto him forever.

(Dang!)

My boy is growing up. He will be ok...won't he?

Remember those perms?

It's me...circa 1987...

It's all about the hair (the bigger the better).

Just kidding.

Today is crazy hair day.

Crazy thing is, I don't see anything crazy about Jaycee's hair.

I just see fabulous style that never should have gone OUT of style!

I have never been so proud...

Sure, it's only May, but my summertime is just around the corner

Yesterday I wore shorts, t-shirt and flip flops. Sure, I was a little chilly strolling the aisles of Smiths, but I projected the appearance of a hot, summery day.

The thermostat barely cleared seventy, but my whole demeanor screamed eighty-five!!!

Two weeks ago we spent a Saturday at Lagoon. Sure, jackets were necessary, and Flying Aces induced chills, but other than the temperature... it felt like summer. The sights and smells, the butterflies that tickle our tummies while anticipating Wicked's launch straight up into the sky were there...as if...it were July.

Monday we went to Chris's pool. Heated to a balmy 92 degrees, the kids remained submerged in the clear blue water unwilling to step out into less than scorching temperatures, and I remained firmly planted on my lounge chair, soaking in rays of sunshine and holding onto each moment that the air stood still and the warmth of the overhead sun offered a mini moment where I could imagine that relaxed, lazy feeling only summer can truly offer. Sure, I had goosebumps covering every inch of sunscreen lathered skin, but I also have a very discernible tan line to show for my efforts.

Every day this week I have kept my windows open to air out the mustiness that lurked and settled during the long winter months. Sure, the cool air wafting through my screens is just frigid enough to kick on the furnace, but I can hear the birds singing, smell the newborn blooms from my neighbor's immaculate yard, and feel the breeze as it kicks up dust and fills my home with scents of a sunny season.

Late nights have replaced sensible bedtimes as my kids run from house to house beckoning neighbors and friends to join them in celebrating the long hours of daylight. Riding bikes, jumping on tramps, or just sitting outside on the (finally green) lawn they long for the same freedom that I do. Sure, they are exhausted when I drag them out of bed for school each morning, but we are all so bored and tired of the restrictions and restraints placed by strict and arduous school month schedules.

We yearn for non-structure, days spent at the pool, suntans, bare feet, boating, sleepovers, campouts, slushies, and sweltering heat. Sure, summer will be here in all its glory before we know it, but I'd just as soon welcome it with open arms...tomorrow!